Eh Trrrrevoorrrrr… siu hoongkee

I stopped a week ago.

Just a few thoughts:

When I first lit up, it never occurred to me that I will end up smoking for so long. Somehow, I imagined that one day, I will magically stop smoking… I guess I assumed smoking is like a hobby, something that I will eventually lose interest in.

I worked hard to pretend to be a casual smoker, that I’m not really addicted. This became a bit comical after a while, when I had to hide in corners to I smoke. I always washed my hands and chewed gum after I smoke. But yeah, I smoked a lot more than I admit to.

I felt patronized when told how bad it was for my health… like I did not know. I already know better than any of you fuckers. I experienced it first hand! Aspects of life which I used to take for granted, things that I used to excel in, there was a slow decline. Can't do anything without thinking, gosh, I need a cigarette to boost my morale. I was lethargic for years! This is the main reason I’m quitting now.

The weird thing was that it was not really the nicotine I was addicted to, I think. The nicotine definitely contributed somewhat to it, but it was more of a psychological addiction. I needed it to gain confidence, to tide me through bad patches, to relieve the monotony of sitting in a fucking office. And these were for me, the scary things about living without cigarettes… what will I do in these situations? I was very afraid, worried that without cigarettes, I will be someone else.

Okay, I admit, I read a fucking self-help book to assist in the quitting (grudging thanks to Su-Ming). Nicotine gums were too disgusting… see earlier article.

There are two situations when I get the most severe withdrawal pangs. One is when I’m out drinking, all the bloody smokers are taunting me by blowing smoke into my face. Another is during football. Lungs feel like they are made of lead, and the heart seems to explode with every beat… gasp

However, I am surprised by how "not bored" I am when in the office. As stated earlier, I wondered what will I do if I didn't go for a smoke when I'm bored. Turns out that yes, I still think that I want to have a fag when I'm in the office, but somehow not doing it is surprisingly bearable. In fact, I feel less bored than when I used to smoke... I always came back from smoke breaks wishing they were longer, and can't wait till the next one, it's this constant process of waiting and hoping which made things miserable.

So anyway, instead of immersing myself with work to distract myself from thoughts of smoking, I decided to relieve my boredom by learning as much as I can about smoking... Here are some statistics:

Men smoke a lot more than women. I actually didn't know this. In Singapore, male smokers outnumber female smokers 7 to 1.

The most popular tobacco in Hong Kong and Singapore are made by Phillip Morris, these include the infamous Marlboro (my companion for 16 years), and Virginia Slims (for ah Kuas), other than these I don't recognize other Phillip Morris brands. Coming in second is the British American Tobacco Company, they don't seem to have one single blockbuster brand, but have a whole series of quite recognizable ones: Dunhill, Kent, Lucky Strike, Pall Mall, Benson and Hedges, John Players, Viceroy etc...

The price of a pack also varies significantly between countries:

Mind you, this is old data from 2002, the last packet I bought in HK was only $29 ~ USD$3.7. In the US, it varies from state to state, in Massachussetts, I think it was USD$4.05 for Marlboro lights, the first time I bought cigarettes in Singapore in 1995, it cost SGD$2.80 and the last time (2008) it was SGD$12 ~ that's around USD $8.

I still get pangs… hmmm won’t it be nice to squat in the yellow box with some ah bengs? Or perhaps rush to the bogs between classes to meet my Russian pal to share a muscovite-no-filter?








See also my literary masterpiece