A Viscoelastic Problem

Calculus lesson for 2010

2010-01-17T17:26:00.004+08:00

Every now and then, some event comes along in life that makes us happy. However, like most things on earth, such an event is finite and runs out eventually, this makes us sad. If we integrate the happiness over the time of the event all the way till the time we eventually forget about it, is the resulting integral positive or negative?

Beautiful Summer - Kalokairi

2008-08-18T11:58:00.008+08:00

Fig 1. Summer BBQ

I learnt a new word to describe summer:

“kalokairi comes from two Greek words meaning fine or beautiful (kalos) and time or moment (kairos). Now “fine time” might not seem an especially insightful formulation for summer, but you need to remember that kairos is not just any old time. Kairos is the proper time, the unique, unrepeatable, propitious moment, as opposed to chronos, that deadly kind of time which grinds on relentlessly, linear, unstoppable, consuming all things.” FT weekend 9th Aug 2008.

Fig 2. Chilling in the shade

So chronos marches on but kairos are seared in your mind forever. Measured chronologically, summers are short, but it also opens up the possibility of kairological time. Can you remember how you felt as a child at the beginning of the summer holidays? Golden, lazy, full-leafed days, stretching on for 8 to 10 weeks – an eternity.

Fig 3. the joys of gelato

As a “responsible” adult, summer holidays don’t happen anymore, but my kairological memories “effortlessly put to flight all those deadly intervening stretches of mechanical routine, boredom and anxiety”, and brings me back to the redemptive moments.

Fig 4. Home made jeopardy games

What brings on this transition from chronology to kairology? One of my favourite is the half an hour after a football game. Lounging around in the leafy-shade with your football pals, talking nonsense, the cicadas make their usual cacophony, a mild breeze stirs the leaves, the joker amongst us plays his pranks, laughter-laziness-contentment all round. Moments like these have pretty much retained the same essence regardless of chronological time.

Fig 5. Apres footie

I was told that animals have no concept of chronological time: “nothing more pitiful than a dog trudging in the wake of a clock-time-obsessed master, not allowed to sniff that tempting tree or lamp post for fear of putting out the schedule that the dog will never comprehend.”

Fig 6. Paper chase

As I sit in the office today, I bring on my kalokairi to break free from the leash of my chrono-obsessed masters. The long shadows at summer’s dusk, treehouses and secret dens, climbing walls, codes and missions, homemade explosives, Nintendo wrestling, smokey arcades, Pims and lemonade by the Cam, Mayballs and garden parties, swimming in Walden Pond, paper plane competitions, strawberry picking… Moments like these will ensure that I never grow up.

Fig 7. Summer!

What are your kalokairi moments?

Eh Trrrrevoorrrrr… siu hoongkee

2008-07-23T13:34:00.012+08:00

I stopped a week ago.

Just a few thoughts:

When I first lit up, it never occurred to me that I will end up smoking for so long. Somehow, I imagined that one day, I will magically stop smoking… I guess I assumed smoking is like a hobby, something that I will eventually lose interest in.

I worked hard to pretend to be a casual smoker, that I’m not really addicted. This became a bit comical after a while, when I had to hide in corners to I smoke. I always washed my hands and chewed gum after I smoke. But yeah, I smoked a lot more than I admit to.

I felt patronized when told how bad it was for my health… like I did not know. I already know better than any of you fuckers. I experienced it first hand! Aspects of life which I used to take for granted, things that I used to excel in, there was a slow decline. Can't do anything without thinking, gosh, I need a cigarette to boost my morale. I was lethargic for years! This is the main reason I’m quitting now.

The weird thing was that it was not really the nicotine I was addicted to, I think. The nicotine definitely contributed somewhat to it, but it was more of a psychological addiction. I needed it to gain confidence, to tide me through bad patches, to relieve the monotony of sitting in a fucking office. And these were for me, the scary things about living without cigarettes… what will I do in these situations? I was very afraid, worried that without cigarettes, I will be someone else.

Okay, I admit, I read a fucking self-help book to assist in the quitting (grudging thanks to Su-Ming). Nicotine gums were too disgusting… see earlier article.

There are two situations when I get the most severe withdrawal pangs. One is when I’m out drinking, all the bloody smokers are taunting me by blowing smoke into my face. Another is during football. Lungs feel like they are made of lead, and the heart seems to explode with every beat… gasp

However, I am surprised by how "not bored" I am when in the office. As stated earlier, I wondered what will I do if I didn't go for a smoke when I'm bored. Turns out that yes, I still think that I want to have a fag when I'm in the office, but somehow not doing it is surprisingly bearable. In fact, I feel less bored than when I used to smoke... I always came back from smoke breaks wishing they were longer, and can't wait till the next one, it's this constant process of waiting and hoping which made things miserable.

So anyway, instead of immersing myself with work to distract myself from thoughts of smoking, I decided to relieve my boredom by learning as much as I can about smoking... Here are some statistics:

Men smoke a lot more than women. I actually didn't know this. In Singapore, male smokers outnumber female smokers 7 to 1.

The most popular tobacco in Hong Kong and Singapore are made by Phillip Morris, these include the infamous Marlboro (my companion for 16 years), and Virginia Slims (for ah Kuas), other than these I don't recognize other Phillip Morris brands. Coming in second is the British American Tobacco Company, they don't seem to have one single blockbuster brand, but have a whole series of quite recognizable ones: Dunhill, Kent, Lucky Strike, Pall Mall, Benson and Hedges, John Players, Viceroy etc...

The price of a pack also varies significantly between countries:

Mind you, this is old data from 2002, the last packet I bought in HK was only $29 ~ USD$3.7. In the US, it varies from state to state, in Massachussetts, I think it was USD$4.05 for Marlboro lights, the first time I bought cigarettes in Singapore in 1995, it cost SGD$2.80 and the last time (2008) it was SGD$12 ~ that's around USD $8.

I still get pangs… hmmm won’t it be nice to squat in the yellow box with some ah bengs? Or perhaps rush to the bogs between classes to meet my Russian pal to share a muscovite-no-filter?

See also my literary masterpiece

The Dragonfly

2007-12-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

As discussed in our previous meeting, your correspondent was tasked to source for an appropriate research subject. This is what I came home with:

The Flytech Dragonfly! This is a radio controlled ornithopter.

An ornithopter is a machine that propels itself through the air by flapping its wings, as opposed to more conventional fixed-wing aircraft, or the rotating wing helicopter. The four wings are powered by cams; the wings on each side of the airframe flaps in the opposite direction, i.e. each stroke squishes air out between them to give forward thrust and lift. Yaw control is activated by a tail rotor that swings the dragonfly around.

This vehicle certainly has superior maneuverability when compared to similar 2 channel helicopter models, in fact flight characteristics is closer to a 2 channel fixed wings craft: the airframe launches forward in a series of stalls and dives.

This is a really well thought out design. It is robust, all the structural components are made from carbon fibre. It has survived repeated crashes and rough handling by research assistant #1. It is easy to repair, one of the wing struts were snapped into two by an obnoxious neighbour kid, but luckily the kit comes with two spare wings. One can also fine tune the handling characteristics through a selection lever, and attaching a tail ribbon.

Turns out this toy was designed by teenagers (Dan Getz and Sean Frawley) who sold the rights to WowWee (the toy company). They went onto study at Embry-Ridle Aeronautics University but remained as consultants for WowWee.

Here is a video of the dragonflyer in action at the WowWee office:

Black Mamba, you got to get one of these!

Research meeting

2007-12-11T10:59:00.000+08:00

I had a brief research meeting with my nephews last week. This was what went down:

your correspondent, the principal researcher (PI): "I propose that we upgrade our research equipment. We have gained a reasonable understanding of passive gliders, and now is time for us to move onto the next level: remotely controllable, powered flight."

Research assistant #1, (nephew #1), singing: "Helicopter and aeroplane, aeroplane, aeroplane, helicopter aeroplane, and sometimes a motorboat."

Research assistant #2, (nephew # 2): "ball! addaaaaaah!" throws a ball across the conference room.

PI: "I have done a brief literature review in the relevant publications, (takes out toys'R us catalogue). In the short term, I propose we move up to radio controlled devices. As #1 correctly pointed out, we should focus our efforts on airborne vehicles, maybe dabble in a bit of hydrodynamics if it is financially feasible. In the long run, we will like to get our hands on some autonomous machinery."

#1, flicks through the catalogue, points at the barbie dolls, and pronounces: "Pink is for girls, hehehehe."

#2 supports the proposal through action by crushing our previous research equipment (a paper airplane).

PI: "I will head over to the stores and start sourcing for parts."

Fig 1. Picoo Z. A radio controlled helicopter. 2 channels. Controls for this airframe is much sharper compared to the previous acquisition. This was one of the candidates I considered as a research subject. However, after some additional scouting, I decided on something a bit more unusual, standby for a detailed report.

Back from the dead

2007-12-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

My computer recently underwent a near death situation.

Two nights ago, I spilled a cup of water onto the keyboard and it pretty much seeped through to the innards while the computer was running. Most laptop users will agree that this is a serious situation, it is unlikely that a computer can recover from such disaster.

I tried switching it off, but it gave a long distress beep and crashed. the next day was spent attempting to dry and power it up. The fan ran but the CPU refused to boot up.

However, last night, a miracle occurred! After another frantic drying attempt with a hair-dryer, it sounded the welcome tone and booted up!!! Currently, all systems are go and there seems to be no ill effects!

Get a mac!

errata

2007-11-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

After more experiments. The authors conclude that delta wings are not as bad as they have supposed (see previous entry). My team of researchers (nephews aged 1 and 3) and I have managed to construct a number of delta wing aircrafts that have very satisfactory gliding performance.

This means the drag performance of the airframe is not as important as we have assumed (based on a rigid airframe glide ratio calculation). Instead, the structural integrity and improved balance of delta wings probably compensate any drag penalty from using them.

Further investigations will be the subject of future work.

I believe I can fly

2007-11-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

Paper airplanes are one of the greatest inventions of the modern world. With some cheap and readily available scrap paper, any 3 year old child can become an aeronautical engineer. Your correspondent has whiled away a large portion of his childhood folding these little devices; I have been completely mesmerized by how a well-designed airplane glides across a room. Having two nephews these days once again allows me ample excuse to design and fold planes to my heart's content without being accused of engaging in childish pursuits.

Fig 1. Aerodynamicist #1 with design #23

Typically, I set myself these rules when designing the aircraft:
1. One sheet of paper per aircraft only.
2. No additional material, i.e. paper clips, staples
3. No adhesives
4. No tearing

However, I will break these rules as quick as you can say Wright brothers if the result is a more spectacular flight. In fact, I frequently tear little ailerons on the wings for fine tuning.

After some initial calculations, experiments and literature review, I will like to share the following observations:

Induced drag: to minimize induced drag, the wings should be of high aspect ratio, i.e. long and slender in the direction perpendicular to the fuselage. it might be tempting to suppose the sharp delta wing (space shuttle/triangular wings) might be more efficient for "cutting" through the air. However, they are actually inefficient lifting geometries at these speeds. (You need to be well over the speed of sound for delta wings to be efficient).

Fig 2. Delta Wing Paper Dart: inefficient aerodynammics

Balance: a head heavy plane is more dynamically stable; but will have a strong tendency to nose down. Generally speaking, trimming the the centre of gravity to be slightly less than 1/4 chord length from the leading edge of the wing is ideal. The quarter chord point is both the centre of lift and neutral point; the trimmed aircraft will fly at a steady angle of attack. This thin airfoil theory was derived in the 1920s by the greatest aerodynamicist, my hero: Prof. Ludwig Prandtl, who amongst other things, also brought us boundary layer theory. It is amazing what a man sitting at a desk can come up with.

Fine tuning is key: Little adjustments to the ailerons, and dihedral makes a large difference. While the effect of ailerons are pretty obvious, it is not obvious how dihedral affects flight characteristic. A positive dihedral increases the lateral stability: the plane is less likely to roll over. However, it does increase the tendency to swerve to the side. I recommend a very gentle positive dihedral: less than 10 deg +ve for optimal flight.

The world record for paper airplane flight endurance is 27.6s! His strategy is to throw the plane as high and fast as possible, and let it glide down slowly. Hence the design has two conflicting requirements, one is a low drag stage in which the plane needs to acquire altitude as rapidly as possible, while the other is a high lift-drag ratio stage in which the plane glides slowly down. A 8s flight is considered a crash by this guy.

Fig 3. Ken Blackburn breaking the world record.

I don't think I have managed more than 5s.

Chanel, the stylish ghost

2007-11-01T13:00:00.000+08:00

Frequent readers of this blog might mistake your correspondence to be an insanely superstitious, voodoo sprouting madman. Despite a few posts that touch on the supernatural, nothing can be further from the truth. I consider myself a man of science, driven by logic... blah blah blah.

But risking the fact that this article might reinforce the unfortunate stereotype, I feel that it is my duty to report my latest brush with the unexplained.

Last night, I woke up rather abruptly to find a hooded figure lurking next to my bed. The entity was dressed in a sort of stylish green robe, that was obviously designed by Chanel (see fig). No face or features could be discerned under the hood, the overall effect is much like a fashionable Emperor Palpatine in some boutique sponsored Return of the Jedi. As I reached for the light, the, figure wafted away like a cloud of steam over fresh turd, but the stink of spookiness remains.

Re-Return of Viscoelastic

2007-10-10T15:48:00.000+08:00

A lot has happened since the last post. Viscoelastic has been forcefully ejected from the institution after 5 years of faithful service. Not happy about that.

Instead, your non-Newtonian pal has found himself bored and still undecided on what to do with his life. Check back another time to find out more about the fate of this intrepid nerd and those nefarious fat pigs. Meanwhile study this clip and tell me what is the Deborah number of the experiment. (I don't give a damn if its actually a Wiesenberg number.) A brief search on the internet reveals that this amazing material is some sort of Silicone rubber.

Structure of Beta gel layer: savior of unborn chickens

What we do in the lab

2006-11-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

Many people have asked me what I do in the lab all day. The video below will give you an idea.

The experiment in question concerns a shear-thickening fluid (corn starch solution in this instance). The viscosity increases dramatically when the shear rate is increased. For example, if you dip your hand into a pool of this liquid and wave it around slowly, it might offer the same resistance an oil might. However, if you stamp on it rapidly like in the video, corn starch particles will clump up forming large clusters turning it into a thick paste like uncured concrete.

contact GB for more information on this fantastically non-Newtonian stuff.

Mystery of the headless mouse

2006-05-23T06:19:00.000+08:00

One summer morning, in the last year of my PhD, a most curious incident occurred. The incident presents several features of exceptional interest:

A gruesome corpse of a mouse was found in the Guinea Pig cage. It was about the length of a forefinger, with matted grey fur. Two spindly legs and a tail protruded from the deformed mess at an odd angle. The scene was particularly disturbing because the head and the upper limbs were missing. The body laid near the food bowl, inches away from Nutty who continued devouring her breakfast with nonchalance.

Several suspects and theories have been put forth, some feel the pigs have been undernourished and its only natural that they begin supplementing their diet:
“Nutty probably held the mouse down with her considerable mass while missy chewed the head off.”

Others feel that the motive could have been more sinister:
“It’s a Sicilian message from the pigs, ‘Viscoelastic sleeps with the headless mouse’”

A search was conducted for the head, the bedding of the cage was combed but no trace of it could be found. We proceeded with the autopsy, Dr Snails made the following observation:
“the victim appears to be missing a head. detailed observation also shows a high
degree of irreversible lateral compression, suggesting that this mouse was
attacked from the side with great force.”

The investigation continues…

With the suspicion that these warm fuzzy furballs might be blood thirsty killers, things can never be the same again…

the return of viscoelastic

2006-03-13T07:12:00.000+08:00

Viscoelastic is not dead, just lazy. In my defence I have been away. Managed to convince the chief visco-elastic honcho that spending a week at a food rheology conference in the Confoederatio Helvetica (otherwise known as Switzerland) is essential to my education.

Viscoelastic discovered a delicious brew of beer during the conference. The Turbinen Braeu, which literally means turbine brew!

unfortunately their website is in Krautspeak so I couldn't give you anymore info, all I know is that it is ravishingly smooth and creamy. The swiss being extremely civilized creatures, broke out the kegs at 3pm. Needless to say, the talks were all a blur to me.

Other delights from Switzerland which I sampled include the infamous Luxemburglis. They were actually meant for the turtle girl but due to the unusually high viscoelastic tax, she was only able to enjoy a small portion of the hoarde.

No viscoelastic field trip is complete without collecting every single map which I came across. I now have a very nice swiss map, a zurich map, and a bunch more concerning the Engiadine Valley + ski maps.

We also got a flashy GPS system with the rental car. But all it seemed to do was:
a.)Indicate that we are 3 miles from the nearest driveable road when we were happily cruising down an autobahn.
b.)Say in a loud mechanical voice "CALCULATING ROUTE"
c.)Insist in its loud mechanical voice "MAKE AN AUTHORIZED U-TURN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE", when we were happily cruising down the correct autobahn in the correct direction.

The name of the system is NEVER LOST (sic).

Holiday's over! Pigs. Be afraid, be very afraid

You want funny

2005-12-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

One of my reader (representing a majority) has proclaimed that, not only do I not update frequent enough, my entries are not very funny either...

You want funny, check out my collaborative work with agent black (starring vicoelastic, directed by black mamba).

loofah

The twelve days of diet

2005-11-19T03:24:00.000+08:00

On the twelfth day of diet, I got a treat for me,

Twelve quarter pounders
Eleven Hot fudge Sundaes
Ten hot and spicys
Nine Chicken Nuggets
Eight egg Mcmuffin
Seven Filet O Fish
Six Tender Crispies
Five onion rings
Four Cole Slaws
Three French fries
Two apple pies and
A small diet ice tea

NE aquarium

2005-11-14T05:33:00.000+08:00

This weekend Viscoelastic visited the aquarium with Mao the Googler and Turtle Girl. The aquarium is a place where most systems are predominantly Newtonian. I spent some time studying the swimming of jellyfishes. First I estimated the Reynolds number. They are of the order 1000 to 10000.

We conclude that these systems are largely inertial, viscous effects are insignificant when considering a control volume roughly the size of the jellyfish. Next we tried to estimate the Strouhal number, most aquatic animals using jets to propel themselves pulse at frequencies corresponding a Strouhal number (St) of 0.2~0.3. We find the large jelly fish (video) does approach this value. While St for its smaller cousin (video) is significantly higher, obviously the little twerp has no respect for good fluid mechanics.

viscoelastic is pleased with the menu.

These studies consumed much brain power, and I moved onto a more interesting problem... How best to prepare these aquatic delicacies. The giant garoupa should be steamed in soy sauce, what you can't finish should be frozen as fillets and sauted. Jellyfish are cut into thin strips and served chilled with vinegar and sesame seed oil. Turtle shells can be made into Gwei Ling Go (A jello like delicacy), while the meat should be braised in soup. This beast here weighs 600 pds, and is approximately 1.5m in diameter.

click here for turtle video

Viscoelastic feeding on the sweet diamondback

Aside, if you want to promote conservation of diamondback turtles, one MUST not begin a description of the species by stating "Diamondback turtles are prized for their sweet meat", it certainly put me in a rather unconservationist mindset.

Turtle girl has yet to develop a taste for turtle soup. (photos courtesy of turtle girl, and mao's superb camera wielding skills)

Maps

2005-11-03T10:41:00.000+08:00

Many of you might know that Viscoelastic has an obsession with maps. I love reading them, and my hoarding instincts drives me to own every map I come across. I have no clue how I came to be like this, even as I child, I saved my pocket money to purchase maps. My sister never understood my obsession and always felt that I was wasting my money, to the point that I usually had to hide these little purchases to avoid her scornful comments.

In a little brief case I keep my maps, ski maps, road maps, tourist maps... most of them are freebies picked up at rest stations or hotel lobbies. Some of the nicer ones are bought with my stipend. I have an affinity to historical maps. I like to imagine how undiscovered the world felt at that point. My most recent addition is a map of Europe at the turn of the century (ca 1897). It was before the first world war, when the world was ruled by Kings and Princes. It was the time of Queen Victoria's Jubilee. Sherlock Holmes has returned after the "final problem" encounter with Moriarty and Col Flashman's career was winding down. If you happen to be an upper-class englishman, you had it good, perhaps even a chance to see the world. While if you were a serf stuck in Romanov Russia on the right of the map, life might not be so comfortable. In the south were the eclectic Austro Hungarians and exotic Ottomans.

If you too have an obsession of maps, I will like to introduce you to a hidden gem at the "Institute". In the basement of the Hayden Science Library, at the far end behind the most god forsaken journals lies the Institute's map room! Inside the room are piles and piles of maps from all over the world drawn over the last hunderd years. My favourites are of course those of my hometowns: Hong Kong, Singapore and Cambridge. A strange excitement fills me when I see the ill fated gun emplacements in Pulau Blakan Mati or the empty spot on Mt Nicholson which is later to become my home! Cambridge (UK) being Cambridge has really not changed that much for the last 500 years. I was introduced to this treasure room together with the Rheologeewoldt through some obscure IAP tour and I encourage all of you to check it out!

With increasingly sophisticated technology, something like google earth is inevitable. Needless to say, I am a google earth whore, I can easily spend hours scrolling through the landscapes and I leave you with the KMZ file of my grand dad's house in Singapore (its the file named googleearth.kmz).

Flies

2005-11-03T10:07:00.000+08:00

2 of my readers (representing 66% of my readership) have complained that I do not update my blog often enough. I will like to tell them that I have been too busy to do it, but the sad truth is that I am just too damn lazy... nothing much interesting has been happening anyway.

Other than a few equations of interest, the most exciting thing to have happened recently is the discovery of tiny little fruit flies in my room! Given the recent state of my apartment (some might say I live in squalor), you might be surprised that flies have not appeared sooner, but nevertheless, it has been quite traumatic for me. They seem to have been introduced to my residence through a box of sauces from a certain chinatown supermarket which my parents have left in my care. Without giving it much thought at the time, I left the box in the toilet and flew off to Vancouver. I was horrified to return in a week to find 4 annoying insects flying around my room. I have managed to "eliminate" 2 of them, but the other 2 has eluded me, and I fear that they might be breeding in some corner. They are especially irritating because the flies seem not so interested in food stuff, but instead share the same taste in alcohol as me. So rather than buzzing about the unfinished plate of curry, they like to hover by the wine glass or whiskey tumbler.

Being of selfish nature, I was of course unwilling to share my "precious" with these uninvited pests. So after consulting "Mao the googler" I quickly constructed some traps to ensnare the little fuckers.

Unfortunately the camera is out of battery, so I can't present pictures of this marvellous feat of engineering, but basically, flytrap 1 is made from a funnel and a pickle jar, while flytrap 2 is made from a poland springs bottle. They are both of the design below.

Instead of vinegar, I baited the trap with a particularly nasty Chardonnay from Napa valley.

I check my traps everyday, but so far it has yielded nothing. But amazingly, I have not seen the remaining two flies around for the last few days. Perhaps they ODed on the drinks.

Viscoelastic in Vancouver

2005-10-17T03:02:00.000+08:00

Viscoelastic was in Vancouver attending a conference on rheology. In case you didn't know, rheology is the study of material flow. Most often, it is used to describe the behavior of complex fluids, viscoelastic materials being a particular class within.

Vancouver is as dreary as I remember it. Cloudy and rainy. We did't have much time to explore the town anyway, for being a bunch of extreme slackers, we have left the preparation of our respective presentations to the very last minute. My own presentation is particularly weak, and I had this fear that I will be exposed as a fraud by the eminent professors and peers. However this fear was insufficient to push me into a work frenzy, and I spent most of the time consuming copious amounts of libations provided by the generous society of rheology. To my pleasant surprise (or perhaps in my drunken stupor), I thought my talk was not a complete disaster.

Since both Giorgia and I were away, Ali (Giorgia's boyfriend) was left in charge of the pigs. His position on the pigs remain unclear, but I have advised him that while we were away, he should start researching for a joint paper titled (Guinea Pigs Sustainability: temporal scaling of mortality rate amongst rodents under reduced nourishment and sustained abuse)... I was disappointed to find the pigs in good health when we returned.

Just before we hopped on the plane, the weather cleared enough for us to take a walk around Stanley park, a marvellously landscaped recreation area, pretty much next to downtown. There were curious looking black squirrels and raccoons. There were little birds that hopped in your path, squeakin loudly to demand for food. There were swans and other water fowls doing their strange mating dance around the lakes. There were trees with all sorts of vibrant fall colour. I imagine the garden of Eden to look something like this.

Special congratulations to the Rheologeewoldt on winning the poster competition.

Instead of a warm greeting from the pigs when I returned, I was treated to 2 pieces of pig crap on my DAQ board.

Giorgia is away

2005-10-08T13:10:00.000+08:00

Giorgia has left me in charge of the pigs this week. My concerned readers, you probably think I have jumped on this opportunity and consumed my pigs, perhaps invited them for a BBQ this weekend before the weather gets too cold. Well, you are mistaken, the wiley Giorgia has left various safeguards in place. First of all there is the pigcam, where she and her minions monitor continuously. Then she has also promised to unleash the full fury of Donna* on me if anything happens to her precious swines. So I continue playing the humble servant.

Oh shit... I forgot to switch off the lights!!!! Sorry Giorgia

*Donna is our animal loving/ militant green peace secretary. Grown men have wilted in the face of her lectures.

Viscoelastic the pilot

2005-10-08T10:32:00.000+08:00

fig 1. Full Function 3 Channel Indoor Double Rotor RC Helicopter is a full 3-D flight Helicopter. This ready to fly helicopter has full function with omni-directional flight. Comes with battery, charger and transmitter. The Double Rotor Helicopter can go forward, backward,(sic) left or right with precision control.

The last few days have seen me piloting my newly acquired RC helicopter. Like all fun ideas, this one came from a website recommended by agent black.

Well, this toy looks like a helicopter, but in fact it works on very different principles. So first let me describe the differences. A real helicopter has collective and cyclic pitch control, that is the rotor blade can change its "angle of attack (AOA)" as it passes through different parts of the cycle. For example, to move forward, the AOA (and therefore lift also) is increased as the blade passes over the tail of the chopper, this causes a moment tilting the airframe so that the resultant thrust drives it forward. The rear rotor is for countering the angular momentum generated by the main rotor. So to spin the airframe around the vertical axis, it adjusts the power supplied to the rear rotor.

So my dinky little craft has 3 channels (throttle/updown, yaw/turning, and rear/frontback). Mechanically, it has two co-axial counter rotating rotors, the opposing angular momentum cancels each other out, therefore eliminating the need for a side-facing rear rotor. Forward/backward flight is achieved by switching on a rear fan which points towards the sky, thus tilting the airframe forwards and backwards. However the response is extremely sluggish, and more often than not, it moves into an unstable mode of flight where it wobbles precariously in air. Yaw control is much sharper, but I have no clue how it works.

Despite its simplicity, this machine is still incredibly addictive, currently I have pretty much mastered hovering and turning, forward flight is tricky but I will continue practising till I feel confident enough to terrorize the pigs. Perhaps invite them for a ride.

This toy has wetted my appetite, and I am already planning to purchase a proper nitro powered heli with full pitch controls, like the Nexus by Kyosho.

fig2. Kyosho Nexus

check out videos of today's test flight. A few MBs each... Hehe, in the cheesey soundtrack, the girl is singing "believe me I can fly... I'm proud to fly up high..."

The Great Mystery

2005-10-04T05:03:00.000+08:00

This problem has been bothering me for the last 5 years. Perhaps readers more familiar with the geography of Singapore can enlighten me on the subject.
Some of you will know that there are 2 SICC clubhouses on mainland Singapore. One is located at Thomson Road and the other at Bukit Timah end of Lornie road. In my juvenile years, I had the impression that these are actually the same clubhouse, it just has two entrances. But I was priveleged to be invited to dine at these clubhouses during my national service days, and have since realized that they are actually separate entities and are rather far apart.
A few years ago, one drunken night at Zouk, I came across an intrepid traveller who recounted to me a most daring feat. In his early teens, he biked from Thomson to Bukit Timah through the grounds of SICC! He also added that the journey seemed to take forever and he almost died of thirst.
Inspired by this conversation, I attempted to navigate the course in my trusty Mitsubishi Lancer. But the paved road rapidly turned into a mudpath with no street lights. Since the sun was setting, I was forced to turn back or risk getting lost in the darkness of the jungle.

More recently, Googleearth has helped me solve part of the problem. There are no paved roads connecting the two. But is it possible to navigate between them on foot or bike? I have marked out two possible routes. In fact, upon closer inspection, there seems to be another path which leads over to the Chartered Industries factory at the end of Rifle Range Road.
I am determined to attempt this treacherous journey on bike this christmas holiday... wish me luck...

Day at the spa

2005-09-29T06:15:00.000+08:00

The spoilt rodents enjoyed a day at the spa last week.

First we captured the obese brown one.

She was treated to a relaxing soak... (how I wish the water was hotter... poached pigs can be so tender)

We then applied an aromatic cleanser, and gave her a gentle scrub and massage...

She was then moved to the next station, where she was towel dried.

Meanwhile missy tried to escape my clutches...

But we got her and treated her similarly...

... and we coiffured nutty...

This was one ungrateful/pissed off pig...

Impending visit of Agent Black

2005-09-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

I am rather excited. After many false alarms, agent black has at last decided to show his face at the Institute again. He has listed his marching orders for next week . To this list I will like to append:

a. disturb the SP aquarium fishes with the micro-submarine (steering clear of the anemones this time).
b. make fun of the communists
c. design the ultimate guinea pig preparation machine (how can we transform these two pieces of prime ham into a feast, functions must include skinning and deboning)

The Institute has changed much since he left, or perhaps it was me who changed. The gang who were taken captive with me have all escaped while I stayed on, getting more and more institutionalized everyday. My original smoking buddy has left, and I am close to quitting. During this time, Missy's mansion has grown in size. She has also murdered one of her room mates and continues to bicker with her current one.

Spreading Phenomenon In Guinea Pigs

2005-09-21T10:25:00.000+08:00

Observe how Nutty flows and spreads on a surface.

Nicorette Polacrilex Gum, 2mg

2005-09-14T09:44:00.000+08:00

Bought some nicotine gum this weekend. Cost me 50+ bucks, it better work. The instruction tag reads: stop smoking completely before you begin using the gum. I am slightly apprehensive about commencing my treatment. I guess if I stick to it, my dear readers, you will know, because I will be probably bitching about it for a while. The plan is to start (or end) sometime this week.

The weirdest thing is that as I am writing this, that horse face whore on Sex and the City* was trying to quit smoking because she wants to land a date with Aidan.

*I was channel surfing, I promise

My prized possession

2005-09-14T09:02:00.000+08:00

My accomplices have blogged about their prized possession. Matlove has his Kaze no Koe, while Agent Balck has Mambo. The Zojirushi 4 cup lunch container is mine. It has 3 compartments: one for sald/fruit/deserts, another for rice/pasta, and the last one has a seal-tight lid for pasta sauce and curries etc…

The vacuum insulation lowers the heat transfer coefficient by orders of magnitude, so that my lunch stays hot and tasty in the severe Boston winter. The set also comes with an elegant pair of chopsticks with case, and also a slinged carrying bag, so that I can look stylish while transferring my lunch. Maybe Missy and Nutty can one day enjoy the “warmth and comfort” of the Zojirushi.

More smoking news

2005-09-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

I apologize for the geekiness content of the recent entries. perhaps the start of a new school year has got to me. I promise I will return to the pigs in the near future.

Read this on wired news this morning.

“For a couple of thousand years, smokers have sought a quick concentration boost by firing up a cigarette.
It turns out that cognitive buzz isn't just in smokers' heads. Scientists have found that nicotine really does boost certain transmitters in the brain that can help people think better. Now, the pharmaceutical industry hopes to improve on the effect, minus the lung cancer.”

Two thoughts to take home from this article:

1. I see, That’s why I can’t concentrate recently: reduced cigarette intake.

2. Hooray! This is what I am looking for, cigarettes with no side effects!

Now I understand why so many of my brilliant plans were hatched in the yellow box.

To the other smokers, perhaps you might like to check out the article in July's issue of nature too.

Mpemba Effect Revisited

2005-09-09T03:38:00.000+08:00

Submitted to the Journal of Nonsense Fluid Mechanics (JNFM)
Viscoelastic Boy, @ The “Institute” MA 12345

ABSTRACT

In this entry, we present the data obtained on the 8th September 2005, 1pm. The results demonstrate the Mpemba effect to be complete bollocks under the conditions of a home kitchen.

METHOD AND EQUIPMENT

Two coffee cups from the Filterfresh coffee machine were used. They were filled with 250ml of water from a Poland Springs dispenser.

Cup A was filled with water from the hot tap at 65 Deg C, while Cup B was filled with water from cold tap at 7 Deg C.

The two cups were placed in the freezer and the temperature monitored periodically.

RESULTS

The author was bored and had to get to class at this point, so the experiment was cut short. We did return an hour later to find Cup B to be completely frozen while Cup A was still only ¼ frozen.

DISCUSSION

Clearly the Mpemba effect is a load of crap in this case. Note it might still be possible to make hot water freeze before the cold (like in the case of water thrown into the cold air as stated by Prof. Black Mamba*), but the author feels that his conditions and materials are representative of a standard kitchen/cooking environment.

CONCLUSION

The verdict is clear.

* The Black Mamba was taken captive by the barbarian hordes together with me. He escaped from the Institute about a year ago. He has been wanted ever since for committing countless indecent acts and is considered extremely lecherous.

Sippy

2005-09-08T05:38:00.000+08:00

This one died a horrible death. Too bad, she could have been very tender.

Kitchen Myth Busters

2005-09-08T05:33:00.000+08:00

Warning, the following entry contains mathematics and science. If you are not a geek, please do not read on.

SPAGHETTI INCIDENT - True

I wasted half a packet of Barilla No.7 in my pantry and could not figure out why. But today, the Rheologeewoldt* shed light to this problem by giving me a recent article from Physical Review Letter. It is about how spaghetti snaps into pieces. As some of you might have observed, spaghetti does not break into two pieces when you bend it, most of the time it snaps into three to ten pieces. Apparently this was a problem which confounded the great Feynman himself. So recently some nerds in France has managed to model this phenomenon. The mechanics behind this is so: At the instant of the first fracture, the suddenly freed end suddenly realizes that it should have no curvature (check your undergrad structures notes), while the remainder of the spaghetti has not had time to react and thus remains in a curved shape. The information that the end is freed travels along the spaghetti in the form of a burst of flexural waves and generates a local concentration in curvature, causing another breakage further downstream, which generates yet another burst of waves, causing another breakage…

This was the first myth I looked at which actually turned out to have some truth in it. While we are on this topic, let me waste your time on a few more of my silly home experiments, unfortunately, none of the original claims seem to have any scientific basis at all.

COLD WATER BOILS FASTER THAN HOT / HOT WATER FREEZES FASTER THAN COLD - false

Matlove and his girl brought my attention to this myth and commissioned me to investigate the truth in it. I did some experiments at home and found this myth to be completely bogus, at least in the conditions of my kitchen. I expect the kitchen conditions to be similar to mine, so don’t try to be smart and freeze hot water.

KITCHEN SINK VORTEX - false

Some people think that the sink vortex always spin clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere because of the coriolis effect. This is not true, the coriolis force is so small, to see it, you will have to leave the water in an extremely still environment for days to rid it of any initial eddies.

SCREAMING LOBSTERS - false

Some redneck once told me lobsters scream in pain when dunked into boiling water. That’s bogus, lobsters has no vocal chords, apparently that hissing noise is the heated air trapped under the shell expanding and whooshing out of the gaps.

In fact lobsters feel no pain, they don’t have a brain.

*Rheologeewoldt is another excellent friend. For a living, he pleasures snails to obtain their fluids.

Hazel - Jabba the Pig

2005-09-03T03:32:00.000+08:00

(This is an old picture, please see below and chart for updated weight)

Today we weighed the pigs. Missy has stayed at 1.05 kg, she has stabilized at this current weight for a about 8 months now, Nutty weighed in at 1.29 kg, after the initial exponential growth rate during the first few months with us, she has only gained about 10g every two weeks. I am rather disappointed with their performance.

About a year ago, Sippy, a guinea pig of ours suffered from some bizarre ailment which caused her brain to swell and push against her skull, she died a horrible death, Giorgia* was devastated while I was just sad to see the opportunity of a tasty meal float away with the smoke from the pet body incinerator. During her suffering (Sippy’s not Giorgia), we tried everything to save her, we admitted her to an animal hospital. At the animal hospital, we saw on an adjacent berth to Sippy’s a label which read:

NAME: Hazel
SEX: F
COLOUR: Brown
NOTES: NO FOOD

Upon closer inspection of the berth, we spied a massive inert mass lounging in the corner, inspecting us through beady eyes to check if we were bearers of food and treats. That mass turns out to be a giant guinea pig! She was easily four times the volume of Nutty, I estimate her dimensions to be:

LENGTH: 30cm
GIRTH: 15cm
HEIGHT: 12cm
WEIGHT: 5kg

That’s the size of a small dog! A rodent of truly Goliath proportions! I am talking about Jabba the Hutt type of body shape and indolent attitude. No wonder the label said no food. I was so impressed by the sight and at the same time quite heartened: This monstrosity is proof that given the right diet, each of our pigs can indeed feed a family of four or more. That night I went home and immediately set out a menu, for perhaps summer 2006 when we can harvest them and enjoy a huge midsummer feast at the lab.

But from the evidence of the weighing today, this feast seems ever more remote, unless some miracle intervention occurs… Some protein shake for them perhaps?

*Giorgia – Protector of guinea pigs, a most wonderful friend and cook with impeccable taste. In her spare time when not disrupting my plans for the pigs she likes to work on her PhD.

A childish rhyme celebrating and mourning 15 years of smoking

2005-08-31T03:18:00.000+08:00

THE AMATEUR STAGE (Boarding school 1990-1995)

It all began the usual way,
I smoked to hang out with friends back in the day.
We smoked discreetly in the toilets,
Blowing rings into the extractor fan inlets.
We smoked very fast,
As a way to relax between class
We smoked as a sign of protest,
We smoked to be different from the rest.
My parents did not like this,
But I thought I can quit in a moments notice

So thinking there that this will not go on forever,
I moved on to the next stage of my smoking career

THE PROFESSIONAL SMOKER STAGE (National Service 1995-1997)

Like the guy in the locomotive shoveling coal
I needed to suck in the nicotine to make me whole
To help me through the sense of helplessness and boredom
In that arbitrary military fiefdom
The habit was slowly fused into me,
A day without it was an impossible fantasy

It occurred to me, that it might now be possible,
That the effects on my lungs are becoming irreversible

THE ANTI-SOCIAL SMOKER STAGE (Cambridge and MIT 1997-2005)

My company has changed,
No longer hanging out with the miscreants and deranged
Replaced by the cream of the crop
Who thought smoking was rot.
I had to hide in the shadows and dark corners
To avoid the stares of these elite movers and shakers
Hurriedly emptying ashtrays into my closet
Everytime someone dropped by for a visit

Today I only “powerstick” once or twice
As I want to quit before I turn ten thrice
Just one step till completely quitting
But there is something I am fearing,
A part of me that I am losing
For I have completely forgotten the feeling
Of breathing only clean fresh air
And having fingers that smell fair.

The Seventh Month - witching hour

2005-08-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

Discussion on spooky things during the seventh month* is not recommended for the faint-hearted.

As soon as your fearless reporter completed the entry on strange occurrences, another extraordinary incident took place. This time in the laundry room, during the witching hour of graduate school (Friday 10pm), when all students with a life take to the bars. Rather than settle in for a night of cooking shows on PBS, I decided to make myself useful and do the laundry instead. The laundry room was deserted and I was able to secure two large front loading washers. The clothes were then dumped into the dryer. I returned an hour later and to my horror discovered two pairs of boxers that didn’t belong to me tumbling along side my clean bed sheets and pillowcases!**

This traumatic incidence must be the work of some sick diabolical mind or perhaps the again the work of supernatural forces lurking in the building.

* In the Chinese calendar, seventh month occurs around August. It is like a month long Halloween, when it is believed that the gates of hell are open allowing the hungry ghosts to roam and look for unsuspecting victims.

** Just in case you were wondering, I soaked the bed sheets in boiling water before laundering and using them again. I also burnt three holes in the boxers with my cigarette (in place of incense) to ward off any malicious spirits before putting them into the unclaimed laundry box.

A Grimms Tale - The pigs and the mysterious rubber-band

2005-08-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

Tonight we saw Brothers Grimm, reminded me of a real life strange encounter which occurred to yours truly…

It was a night in the midst of summer, a chokingly hot, humid and still night. The Claret during dinner was exceptional; I had slightly too much and went to bed with the room spinning around me. Gradually, I fell into a fitful sleep, punctuated by horrible nightmares.

There was a particularly vivid dream: I was working hard at my desk, attempting to revive a broken force transducer. It was late at night on a Saturday, the entire laboratory was deserted. I heard the usual complaints of Nutty indicating that they demand to be fed this instant. Like a faithful servant I went over to refill the hay buckets for them. And it happened! Missy ran up my arm, went gnawing for my jugular, the loquacious Nutty was cheering her on with her dreadful screech, blood shot out of my neck like a geyser. At this point, I woke up drenched in sweat!

I was terribly shaken by this horrible vision of the vicious furball. My throat was parched and numb, and I got up to get a drink of water. And that was when I found it! A rubber-band has mysteriously appeared in my mouth…

Till this day, I keep this rubber-band in my pantry to tie up unfinished bags of potato chips and as a reminder of this unusual occurrence on that fateful night.

I stress again, that this is a true story, worthy to be an excerpt from Jacob Grimm’s collection.

Foiled!

2005-08-26T03:22:00.000+08:00

I tried to carry out my plan just now!

Giorgia was away running some errands. During that time, I trapped the pigs in their lounge area by using a cactus to block the exit. I then went to collect my scalpel and hammer action cordless drill.

But some sympathizer of the pigs must have guessed my intent and hid the drill away. I could not find it before Giorgia returned and had to postpone the plan till another day.

Those damned pigs, as a sign of protest, they kicked their faeces on my desk! I will get them for this!

Endangered Species

2005-08-26T02:37:00.000+08:00

Went to Legal Seafood today, but it doesn’t quite do it for me. I miss consuming endangered species of coral fish. In my opinion, nothing can match up to the sweetness of the parrot fish (green jacket).

Or the giant Napoleon Wrasse (Loong Dun).

Meaningless existence of Missy

2005-08-25T03:33:00.000+08:00

Everyday at work, the pigs mock my pathetic life by continuing with their pointless yet contented existence. I’ll show them, those rodents! One day when Giorgia is not looking…

Chinese Delicacies

2005-08-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, during our lunch hour, I attempted to give my colleagues a taste of Chinese cuisine by listing my favourite delicacies and their method of preparation. We discussed the chemical reaction within the century egg and the irreversible saliva gelation of Puffins in Yin Wo.

Was rather disappointed this morning when I looked up on Century eggs in Wikipedia. Rather than a horrific description of burying eggs in horse piss and cow pies, the actual method only involved mundane materials such as clay, charcoal and quicklime. Better double check my facts on birds nests and jelly fish.

Pigs

2005-08-23T07:25:00.000+08:00

This black one with messy fur is Missy, age: 1.5yrs ~ 3 servings, she has an attitude problem, thinks herself to be the queen.

The brown one is Nutty, age 0.85yrs ~ 5 servings. She is a walking stomach, always demanding food with her shrill whine. She has a weight problem, its difficult to pick her up now because her belly spills over the side of your hand.

They live luxuriously in a lavish complex, hand crafted by MIT engineers, fawned on by students and faculties. All this attention has got to their heads (and their 3g brain), they no longer show their human masters the appropriate respect. I am immune to their furry charms. Can just imagine them butterflied and seasoned with a dash of salt, pepper and butter. Perhaps finished with a quick squeeze of lemon too.

Yum

Eggs

2005-08-23T06:45:00.000+08:00

I like all sorts of eggs.

My favourite way to cook them is to heat them on a non-stick pan, with a little oil, at low heat for 1 minute, then cover with a splash of water for another 2 minutes. The addition of water generates a small amount of steam and ensures the whites are cooked through while retaining a liquid yolk.

Yum, writing about it makes me hungry. Will have to leave work early and pick up some eggs on the way home.